When I’m 20!Β 

Here’s a letter that I’d like my 20-year old self to read whenever I feel put.
Dear older self,

I know the world doesn’t look like a very bright place today, in fact, you feel like you don’t belong here anymore. Probably, you’re right. But wait, look around, who do you think belongs here? With all these people around? I know you think that everyone around you is evil garbed as a friend. I know you feel like you’ve never earned goodwill from anyone of them. Unfortunately, you’re right. 

I know you think that love isn’t for you, you think that you’re better off alone. You think you don’t need another soul to embellish your withered life. I also know that you think there’s a lot of vacuum between you and your family, I know you think that you never made a good daughter to your parents. I know you feel pathless, directionless and most of the times, lifeless. I know everything.

I know that you don’t feel like going to the park or the mall anymore, you don’t sit and sip your caffeine in the balcony because you don’t want to make eye contact with your ex boyfriend’s mother. She probably thinks that you practice witchcraft. I know it is very hard to get out of bed every morning, the floor feels so cold that you prefer to stay in bed until you really start running late for school. I know how hard it is to dress up everyday and plaster a smile across your face, I know how important it is for you to not come off as unpleasant to anybody. I know how hard it is to sit with people when all you want to do is wear your pyjamas and stay in bed like everyday is Sunday. I know how much you wish that everyday was a sunday so that you didn’t have to face people and be judged by them. I know you think that the world is a very barbaric place to live in where people step over you if you don’t give them a pass. 

You’re lying on the couch with the ice cream tub and nothing feels right. You’ve been noticing how cranky you get all the time, you feel negative vibes and your daily dose of motivational quotations is not helping you anymore. You’re putting on weight and your favourite pair of jeans don’t fit you anymore. I know everything, you know everything.
But what you don’t know is that you are stronger than your strongest excuse. You are stronger than you think you are. You’ve survived monotony, you’ve survived melancholy. You have helped wrong people and fake friends. You’ve walked past that guy who cheated on you and you smiled at him. Do you know how brave is it to be nice to those who have been mean to you? It takes so much courage and a beautiful soul. You’ve been judged by people over and over again but you never quit doing what you felt was right. You never gave up on yourself . Day after day, you’ve grown. You’ve learned everyday. You need to accept that there will be good days and there will be bad days, every cloud has a silver lining. But you will have to learn to pick yourself up when there’s no one around. You have to find home in yourself when you feel lost. Remember, the good thing about the bad days is that you always get past them. So when your head is hung low, remember you are a woman of a very strong character. Remember, you are more than just a woman. You are a whole another world in disguise. And only you are responsible for yourself.


24 thoughts on “When I’m 20!Β 

  1. A woman of very strong character.
    I love that. and that, will see you through those bad days.
    Be bold. Seize the day. and the opportunities of right now. you are young and have energy. you are smart and beautiful. be bold.
    (wish someone had said That to me, when I Was 20 years old!)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, lovely Sakshi — in heart and in appearance! You have the whole world in front of you, and I know with your grace, spirit, and intelligence, you’ll live a beautiful life. Peace and happiness always! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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